Friday, 23 June 2017

Can a dog issue a fatwa?

This all came about 'cos I overheard Gail say she was a wee bit embarrassed at having to give a presentation to some Iranian clients while her face was still all bruised and grazed from last Saturday's bicycle accident.

She mentioned she'd recently read an article in the paper about women being banned from cycling in Iran.

Gosh it seem to me these Mulllah types are onto something here.

Long time readers of this blog will be aware of all my trials and tribulations surrounding Gail's passion for two wheeled transport and exercise.

I had no idea that one could simply issue a decree stating that females are just not allowed to ride bikes. Problem solved!

Come to think of it, maybe we could extend the ban to human males too. Especially the sweaty mid-life crisis types that wear unwise lycra and often nearly run one over in the park of a morning.

Of course I would make allowances for those folks riding bicycles with baskets, trailers or other adaptations to enable transport of one's pet.

Oh, it seems that you only get to issue these decrees if you are some kind of a high heid yin of the Muslim faith.

So where do I sign up for Ayatollah School?

PS Gail apologises to her Muslim friends for any offence caused by Bertie's sketchy theological understanding...

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

It serves her right

Really, our humans, you can't let them out of your sight for one minute.

Well I say it jolly well serves Gail right for leaving me at Janet's house on Saturday and heading off on her old bicycle (without me) to visit Human Granny again.

So Gail returned eventually, looking a bit sheepish and mumbling something about a large twig getting stuck between the mudguard and the wheel of her bicycle causing her to take a tumble.

But you and I know that the accident was all about people who abandon their pets getting their just deserts, don't we?

Believe me, the photo above is the most flattering one you can take of Gail just now. Oh my word that bruise is beginning to look more colourful than I'm guessing Gail's language was when she picked herself up off that bike path.

But anyway, I'm pleased to report that things improved on Sunday, when Gail and Janet took me on a lovely walk in Derbyshire.

Clever Janet found a route that was mostly in the shade, which helped me survive the thirty degree heat.

But to be honest, on Monday both Gail and I were happy to be boarding the train back north to cooler climes.

And of course you will want to meet my new friend from Hong Kong, on a month long holiday to Europe with her family, to celebrate her graduation. You do run into the nicest people on the East Coast line to Edinburgh.

Sunday, 18 June 2017

What to do about Danny?

I am so put out I can barely compose myself, even a day after discovering the shocking news.

Can you believe it? I went to vist Human Granny yesterday and found there was ANOTHER DOG in residence at her care home.

In residence you understand, not just visiting! Danny, he's called, a ten year old Shih Tzu, and he's been there for a month with his owner Doreen.

I went to say hello to him and he just growled at me, guarding his bowl of food. And I was only trying to be friendly. And then, to cap it all, it was ME (innocent little me) who was banished to Human Granny's bedroom while Danny boy continued to lord it over the communal sitting room, where the treats are to be found.

What's to be done?
PS Pleased to report we found Human Granny in good spirits. She moves ever more slowly and has become rather wobbly, but Gail says her positive attitude and refusal to feel sorry for herself sets an example I would do well to follow should my paw problem recur...

Thursday, 15 June 2017


Have I ever introduced you to Edward Elephant?

This somewhat inanimate fellow shares the bed with Gail and me. Apparently he has been around since Gail was a wee girl.

If you are wondering about that hand-knitted dark blue thing covering his trunk, let me explain.

Edward has the large ears typical of an African elephant. He is built for the savannah, not the perennially chilly climate of Northern Scotland.

This is why, now that he is getting on in years, Edward wears a trunk warmer.

It is totally logical and scientific, and not at all silly.

(At least that's what I promised Gail I would say on this blog.)

PS We are heading off to Nottingham today to check up on Human Granny, and are looking forward to some warm(er) weather Down South. So it's goodbye to Edward for a few days.